That's Why They Call Him A Miko
by DiLLiRgA
Summary: AU I guess. IxKag. Higurashi Kagome was just your average 15-year-old...boy. That is, until he found himself 500 yrs in the past, staring at a... girl, who's...pinned to a tree by an arrow? Aaaanyway...
1. Think Pink

A/N: PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ THIS. Hey folks! Well, for those of you who know me by my fic 'That's Why They Call Him Fluffy,' I have done it again! Only this time, things are going to be a little different. PLEASE DON'T REVIEW TO TELL ME THAT MIKOS ARE WOMEN BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ALREADY... All will be revealed later on and that's part of the joke:) By the way, this isn't going to be a full-blown comedy like my other fic and will probably be heavier on the romance part but hey, it's all good:) Of course, the major difference is that this version of the Inuyasha story will have a DiLLirga spin to it:) Yeah yeah, scary, I know. The story's summary is at the end of the chapter, for reasons you will find out so please don't cheat. Just read it and you'll understand;) Enjoy and ReVieW!!!!!!!

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So, the day really started off nicely enough. I was now officially a fifteen year-old. We'd had our little family celebration yesterday, seeing as how today's a Monday and school doesn't care whether it's your birthday or deathday... It's just an endless struggle for survival between tests and...well...more tests. But wait, I'm getting way ahead of myself. The name's Higurashi. Higurashi Kagome. And I was just your average 15 year-old, up until today, that is. 

I live at our family shrine with my mother, my grandfather and little brother. I've been here for as long as I can remember and if you ask me, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. This is home. I guess I like it so much because I can be in the city without actually feeling like I'm –in the city- if you know what I mean. The best of both worlds. 

Anyway, I left the house as usual, and started heading out when I noticed my little brother standing outside the shrine. You see, if it were anywhere else, I wouldn't have bothered but this is the shrine where the 'infamous bone-eater's well is located...according to legend blah blah blah...' Yeah, that was my impersonation of my granfather. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but if I hear one more legend then I'm gonna make –myself- history. As I was saying, we were never allowed to play around there because one: mom always thought it was too dangerous and two: grandpa would have a heart attack if we did anything to harm his precious well. I just wish that I'd known that the dumb well was about to harm –me-. So there I found my brother Souta and graciously decided to inquire as to why he was standing there.

"Yo twerp, you're gonna be late. You know better than to be messing around there." Ok so I'm not always a nice guy but hey, if you even knew half the stuff he pulls on me! Like that one time-

"I wasn't messing around Kagome! Buyo's down there and he won't come out," Souta whined. My overweight cat was down there, huh? And the problem is...?

"So you're standing here because...? Why don't you just go in and get him?"

"You try going down there! It's creepy... If you'd listen to grandpa's stories once in a while, you'd be scared too..."

"And you call yourself a man... "

"Yeah yeah, just find Buyo."

"I'm about to. Just don't forget that you're a disgrace to the male population." 

I sighed. The kid has that effect on me. So, I did what has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done since the time I was five and thought that the shrine would look really cool decorated with mom and grandpa's miscellaneaous articles of undewear... What did I do? I entered that stupid shrine and started looking for Buyo. 

"S-s-s-something's down t-t-there," Souta stammered from above the stairs. What a braveheart.

"Yeah. The cat," I answered dryly. 

I walked around until I was standing right in front of the well. Where was that stupid cat? I must have dazed a little because right then, I didn't notice the blob that had crept up to my foot.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA what happened Kagome!!!???" Souta squealed. Hey, I was just a little startled, what was his problem? 

"MEOW." 

"Stupid Buyo. Don't go scaring me like that again!" I scolded the furball as I picked him up. "What the heck are you screaming about up there?" 

"L-Look who's talking! Don't yell like that Kagome, I thought you were being attacked or something." I swear, that kid's got an imagination like nobody's business. Or so I thought. At that moment, Buyo must have sensed what was about to happen 'cause the traitor jumped out of my arms and went to cowar behind my fearless brother. Of course, I was stupid enough to ask:

"Just what do you think would attack me down here?" That's when he got that weird look on his face. Before I could even turn around to see what the heck it was my brother was pointing at, I found myself being pulled down, through that well, by the nastiest pair, or rather pairs, of arms that I had ever seen...up until then, of course. I looked at my attacker. A centipede- person. She was a weird one alright. 

"Let go of me you witch!" I absolutely refused to scream like a girl. It probably wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

"Such joy. My strength is returning! You have it, don't you! Give it to me! Give me the Shikon no Tama!" she/it hissed. Shikon no Tama? What the heck was that? Oh yeah... Grandpa had been talking about that thing earlier that day. It was one of those cheap keychains he was trying to sell. 'Sure I'll give it to you,' I thought, 'we have plenty at home.' But before I could get even halfway through my thoughts, do you know what that ugly thing did? She licked me! Eeeewww... 

"I said let go you ugly-" I yelled and shoved her face away with my hand. Little did I know then that that was a very smart thing to do. From my hand I felt this really strange power and suddenly a pink light shined through. 'Figures,' I thought, 'just my luck that it had to be pink.' Suddenly, down I drifted along with one of her arms that decided to join the ride, further into the rabbit hole. Let's get this straight right now, I'm nowhere near Alice. I am Higurashi Kagome, raven-colored hair, brown eyes, medium height, all-together pleasant disposition. Yep, your average 15-year-old boy, who just happened to have the Shikon no Tama somewhere in his body. Man, already I hate being 15...

********************

After lazing about at the bottom of the well- which, I noticed, I had somehow managed to find once again- I realized that my little brother wasn't bursting with enthusiasm to help me climb back up. Then again, he didn't seem to be anywhere close either. The twerp must have run off. I toyed with the idea of this being all some strange figment of my imagination...only until I looked next to me and found that the strange figment, being her arm, was still there. Just chilling on the ground. Nasty... I started climbing up using the very conveniently situated vines when a noticed a butterfly pass in front of my face. Wait- vines...butterfly? Whatever this was, I was sure that the old man wasn't going to be too happy about it. 

When I got out- finally, might I add - I called out for any one of my family members. I even called out for that traitor furball. No response. Traitors, I tell you- all of them. The first thing I noticed ahead of me, a small distance away, was the Goshinboku tree. 'Good,' I thought, 'I can easily find my way back.' Things were starting to look up. Of course, as I ran towards the tree, I chose to ignore the fact that the area had gotten somewhat...greener...than the last time I had seen it. Which was about ten minutes ago. How time flies. 

I kept on walking and in a few moments, there I stood, Higurashi Kagome, in front of his Goshinboku tree...looking at a white-haired girl- who seemed to be sleeping-, pinned to the tree by an arrow. But you see, that's not the part that I paid attention to. Sure it was strange, finding myself being pulled through a well by some centipide woman, nearly killing her with my pink-lighted hand and coming out of the well only to find myself in front of the tree I had seen only ten minutes ago with a few...minor additions, but the –really- strange part was that this girl had...ears? No no, you don't seem to understand. When I say she had ears, I mean like fuzzy cat ears. On top of her head. She looked human enough, though. I was to find out later that those ears weren't indeed –cat- ears but hey, I wasn't totally off. I wasn't totally off about the human thing either. 

Back to the point: I was overcome with this insane urge to touch those ears. I say insane because you don't just go up to a girl and start –touching- random parts of her body. Hey, I've had friends who've tried that and all I can say is damn, those nails are lethal. And by the look of this chick's nails, she must've had a real battle beating the perverts off. No matter, I told myself. I'm not just any guy and besides, my intentions were very pure. So I did it. I started rubbing those fuzzy little ears on her white head. Yeah, and I call myself a man... 

Of course, I didn't get –too- far, for right at that moment:

"Gah! Stop shooting, I didn't do anything!!!"

Grumble...grumble...and more grumble. Why the heck did they have to tie me up? Do I really look that dangerous? I'm just some innocent guy from Tokyo, honest! Hmm let's see...top-knot, top-knot, top-knot... They had better not lay one finger on this hair, it took me forever to get it this long! 'Wait a sec,' I thought, 'top-knot? What was this, the feudal times or something? Yeah, right.' I mentally snorted. Of course now, as I look back to that day, I find myself snorting for real. A minute later, an old lady hobbled up in front of me and started throwing stuff in my face. Was this hag crazy or something? 

"Whaddaya think you're doing Lady!" How embarrasing...

"I was told that a demon was found in the Inuyasha forest. I thought a purification ritual was in order." If only she had known then that guys just don't get purer than me. The crowd contemplated the fact that I could be a spy but the woman was smarter than I had given her credit for.

"You there, let me take a good look at ye. Look clever, boy." Now that I think about it, was she trying to call me dumb or something? I'll have you know that I've always had the highest marks in my class! Humph...before I got dragged here, that is.

"There is no mistaking it, ye bear a great likeness to my brother Kikyo."

Man that name makes my blood boil. Back then, I couldn't have cared less but if you ask me now, I wouldn't mind slugging that guy somewhere inappropriate. Fine, so maybe I –am- being unfair. You try being fair to someone who hates your guts for no reason. It wasn't like I –asked- to be his reincarnation...  

The old woman's name, I learned, was Kaede and she was the 'miko' or 'high-priestess' of the town that I was in. And sure enough, I was in the feudal times alright. Was this some kind of sick joke or something? Anyway, she asked me what I was doing in the Inuyasha forest and where I was from. Lady, do I look like I know what I'm doing here? Do you even know what Tokyo is? I didn't think so. But hey, I'm a gentleman and she really was a very nice woman. I was just a little grumpy at that particular moment. I'll skip the other boring parts because the story is all downhill from there and I know you all want to know just how bad my day –really- ended up being. Well, bottom line is that the Centipede Witch (A/N: Kagome's nickname for her) attacked the village and started screaming about that Shikon thing again. I had no idea what these peoples' problems were. It seemed that she really had it in for me so it was either stand there and watch the village be destroyed or make a run for it. Kaede also mentioned the fact that we needed to throw her into the well- yes, my one-in-a-million well- in order to destroy her. Clever woman. So, I did what any guy would do- I bolted outta there. 

Come to think of it, I don't know why it was that I screamed for help when I was running because I was sure that I was never going to see the light of day again. But I did, as I headed straight back into that Inuyasha forest, Centipede Witch at my feet. 

"Give me the Shikon no Tamaaaa!" she bellowed from behind me.

"I don't have it dammiiiiiiiiiit!" I wailed in return.

Don't you just hate it when you're in a hurry but something always slows you down? So do I. I especially hate it when I fall flat on my face. Then again, I find that the embarrasment is always worse when you have a spectator.

"Oi Kikyo, wasting your time with insects now, are you?" 

"W-what? You're alive?" The –thing- was talking to me. 

"What's with the dumb look Kikyo? Why don't you just finish her off in one stroke like you did to me? Don't tell me the great Kikyo's lost his mind already!"

Man, this girl had some nerve. As did all the strange women around here. Must be the air or something. 

"Kikyo, Kikyo. Who's Kikyo?! Listen you, my name is-"

"She's coming."

*WHAM* The witch was in my face before I knew it. Fortunately for me, the villagers came and sank some hooks into her before she could eat me alive. Phew...

"Saved..."

"Kikyo, you're hopeless." 

Some people are just too damn persistent. In her case, this was nothing, as I would find out later on. 

"I told you, I'm not Kikyo! Don't mistake me for him." So I went right up in the girl's face because she obviously had very poor eyesight.

"Shut up! Who else would give off a stink as bad as you! Huh?..." She started sniffing me. Weirdo. "Or maybe...not."

"Get it now? My name is Kagome. Ka-go-me." It really isn't that hard. 

"Right...Kikyo was smarter...and handsome." I don't hit girls. I don't say bad things to girls. But this one was just begging to be a called a-

"OWOWOWOW!! Let go witch!!" The centipede decided that it was a good time to intervene so she pulled at me, almost ripping my abdomen out in the process. Luckily, I grabbed on to the noisy girl's hair, which mind you, she didn't appreciate much.

"AAAAAAAAAAArgh let go you son of a bitch!!!!"

"Release the Shikon no Tama!"

There's a three-ring circus for you right there. I found myself facing certain death yet again. And, just as I was about to be eaten alive –AGAIN- I put my hand forward and let loose the pink. I don't blame the Centipede Witch. I'd be scarred for life too if I saw that much pink in one day. So I roasted her, completely unintentionally! Then there were arms...and stuff...lying all around me. 

It was then that I noticed a pink glow coming from my side. I sat there in misery, pondering the question: why pink?? Ten seconds later, I found myself being thrashed about here and there. Guess who. You'll never guess what happened next- she bit me! That Centipede Witch bit my side! It hurt like hell, too. Ok, a little violence was to be expected in battle but just what the heck was the Shikon no Tama doing popping out of my body? 'Hmmm...this can't be good,' I had thought to myself. Being the perceptive person that I am, I was right. 

I learned that moment just why it is that humans aren't meant to fly...or land. Before I could do anything else, the noisy girl started screaming about the Shikon no Tama but I couldn't do anything about it because the centipede knocked me against her and wrapped itself around us and the tree. She started talking about half-demon brats, etc. and I wasn't really paying attention because I was thinking about how I was going to get out of this one. Preferably alive. In time of need, a solution always presents itself. 

"Don't underestimate me you centipede bitch. I can take care of you without even blinking," the noisy girl said. Man, this chick was scary.

"Hey you, you're awfully arrogant but are you really that strong?" I asked her. From her response I could tell that she had forgotten about me being there.

"Huh?"

"Well, are you?" So the stupid centipede starts making fun of us and how we can't do anything because there's an arrow on the girl and yada yada yada and she eats the jewel! Seeing this, the girl whom I'd nicknamed 'noisy chick' starts, well, being noisy once again and the villagers had joined her by that time. She swallowed the jewel, what was the big deal? Well I was about to find out. Man, I thought she was ugly then but it got that much worse when she decided that she didn't really need flesh anymore.

"Oi, can you pull this arrow out?"

"What?" Yes, noisy chick was talking to yours truly.

"I said can you pull this arrow out!?"

"You mean this?" So I wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box just then. Can you blame me? I was about to bring my hand to the arrow but then Kaede starts screaming at me to leave it there and something about Inuyashas and spells, all the while I'm about to be suffocated, Centipede Witch is morphing into something down there and noisy chick is, well, you guessed it, being noisy. All in all one thing was very clear: I wasn't –quite- ready to die yet. So you know what I did? I yanked that arrow right out. Bad idea. I was engulfed by the pink.

What makes matters worse is that 'Inuyasha' a.k.a  'noisy chick,' started laughing in a very disturbing way. She cut that centipede up before I could even look up from where her attack had thrown me. In addition to all this, the words 'iron reaver, soul stealer,' didn't add much to my comfort.

Not to mention my wounded pride upon finding out that that –girl- was several hundred times stronger than myself.  

As I stood in a daze, Lady Kaede came up to me and asked me to find the piece of flesh that was glowing. I groaned, thinking 'please, no more pink.' I found the piece alright. I also found myself in some deep doo-doo. Long story short, that brat Inuyasha started attacking me for the jewel! How rude can you get. 

She was serious too! Knocked down about half the forest chasing after me... Well yeah, I ran! What was I supposed to do? You would have ran too if you had some jewel-crazed chick with lethal nails coming after you. God bless Lady Kaede; she seems to have a solution for everything. It seems that this time, it was a rosary. Naturally, it was all down-hill from there too...

"Kagome! Recite the word that will hold Inuyasha's spirit!"

I remember thinking that I had plenty of words for that chick but Lady Kaede would probably not have wanted to hear them.  

"What!?"

"Just say something to subjugate the Inuyasha!"

I chose that moment to once again plummit to the earth. I detest uniforms. The jewel slipped out of my hand and rolled onto a wooden bridge. While I was groaning on the floor, noisy chick flew ahead, bragging about how subjugations wouldn't work on her etc. I noticed that the jewel was about to roll right into her hand. I had to do something. Anything. So, I yelled the first thing that came to my mind.

"O...Osuwari!" That's right. Sit girl! 

***THUNK* **It was a sight I'll never forget as long as I live. Of course, after that, noisy chick was twice as noisy. 

"You old hag! What the hell'd you put on me! Once I have the jewel you're the first in line, though you look half dead already!" 

Lady Kaede decided that noisy chick needed to be quiet. I agreed.

"The word."

"Osuwari!" And down she went, through the bridge and into the river. I retrieved the jewel and stared into the water for a while.

"Now that that is over, let us return home," Lady Kaede said as she lead us all away. 

'Well, I guess that's the last we'll be seeing of the noisy chick,' I thought. Little did I know that my adventures were just beginning and Inuyasha...yes, HER. What to say about her? Well, let's just say that I chose the right nickname for her and keep it at that.  

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SUMMARY: Yes people, I have done it:) I will have you know that although the character personalities will remain in tact for the most part, they may differ  –slightly- to better suit their genders:) Bottom line: INUYASHA IS A GIRL AND KAGOME IS A BOY. Not to mention that Kikyo is yes, male, and Naraku will indeed be female. Kouga will also be a female, as will Shippo. What else? Hmm... well Miroku, Sango, Kaede, Sesshoumaru and Rin will remain the same. I'm not so sure about Jaken but we'll see:)  This outta be interesting:) Please review!!!! 


	2. How To Be A Gentleman Or Not

A/N: Hello all. I've decided that for now this is going to be in the form of Kagome retelling the beginning of the story. Kind of like flashbacks but not quite as nauseating:) Don't worry, I'm not going to be retelling everything and I am making changes. I just need to get through the initial introductions, etc. Bear with me. Since you all haven't run off by now, I take that as a good sign to continue. 

Disclaimer: the only thing I own is this disclaimer... it's sad really.

Japanese words:  I usually use Japanese only when it's necessary but I'll put some definitions here anyway.

Osuwari: Sit. Though it has been translated as 'sit boy' on Adult Swim, it can be used for girls as well so I will be using both 'osuwari' and 'sit girl' where I see fit.    

Hanyou: Half-breed.

Youkai: Demon.

Baka: (Won't appear in this chapter but I use it frequently) dumb, stupid, idiot, jerk, fool- you get the idea. All depends on how you say it:)

Shikon no Tama: The Jewel of Four Souls, the Shikon Jewel, etc. 

That should be all. On a further note, since we're all having a teensy bit of trouble picturing the gender switch- believe me, I share your pain- I've decided to throw in a little appearance description. 

Inuyasha: Looks exactly the same except instead of the pants, his fire-rat robe ends just how it sounds, as a robe. In short, let's call it a fire-rat kimono. Hey, if it works for Kagura, I can make it work for Inuyasha! Everything else would be the same except for the addition of some more...ahem...feminine attributes in the upper region and minus the male attributes in the lower region. Sound ok?? 

Now the funny thing about anime is that nowadays you have to wait for them to tell you who's a girl and who's a guy because the guys tend to be so...feminine (not that I'm complaining about bishounen, mind you). I point this out because it should make it easier to picture Kagome as a male. Kagome looks –exactly- the same (minus the feminine attributes of course), but picture him in Hojo's uniform and there you go. The hair stays my friends. I never thought I'd live to hear myself say this but... Kagome's hot. I know, it's scary. 

Anyhow, on to the story and yes, Hojo will indeed be making an appearance... as Kagome's female admirer:) I'm just having trouble turning "Hojo" into a girl's name while still keeping it recognizable. Oh and before I forget, when Kagome is dressed in Kikyo's attire, I have decided that it will be a white shirt with red pants. I'm glad these things are somewhat unisexual:) Please feel free to give suggestions for Hojo's name!

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So there I sat in contemplation while Lady Kaede bandaged my side. She was going on about something but I admit that my attention was elsewhere at the time- mainly on the 'trouble-making hellion.' Yeah, I think that's what Lady Kaede had called her. 

I turned my attention back to the priestess, who started to explain the dangers of the jewel. In short, anyone or anything who felt like it, was going to have a go at it. Apparently, the Shikon no Tama grants its owner wishes and makes him/her/it more powerful, explaining why every bloody youkai from here to Timbuktu would come after it. Swell, juuuust swell. Which reminded me...

"So why are –you- here, miss?" 

"Hand over the jewel." The girl has no manners. It's that simple.

"Aye it seems that the rosary's holding power has proved effective. Even if she nears the jewel we do not have to worry." I could have sworn that Lady Kaede was secretly smirking on the inside. And maybe not so secretly on the outside. 

"So why do you want the jewel miss? You seem to be very powerful already. You don't really need it, do you?" I asked Inuyasha in my most polite tone. I told you, I'm a gentleman. It's not –my- problem she doesn't know how to handle that.

"Have ye not noticed? She is only a half-breed." 

It didn't take a genius to see that Inuyasha had a strong dislike for Lady Kaede. How did she make it obvious? Well, for starters, the hole she punched through the floor would be a good sign...

"Listen here hag, you're talkin' like ya know me but I sure as hell never met you before so watch your tongue!"

"Ah, so ye do not recognize me. I thought as much. I am Kaede, the younger sister of Kikyo, who put the spell on ye."

"Kaede? So you're that little whelp that was always hangin' round Kikyo!" 

"Aye. Fifty years have passed since ye last saw me Inuyasha." 

"Shit you're old...  If you're this bad, Kikyo must be pushin' a hundred or somethin'... Sure am glad I ain't a weak human like the rest of ya."

"Kikyo is dead. He passed away the same day that he shot the arrow that pinned ye to the tree."

"Hmm..." She went quiet for a moment. And –only- a moment.  "So he kicked the bucket, huh... Keh, what a relief!"

"Do not be too happy yet, Inuyasha. I have come to the conclusion that young Kagome here is the reincarnation of my late brother."  'Yeah people, that's right, I'm still here in case you forgot,' I thought. Why did Inuyasha not seem too enthused about the fact that I was Kikyo's reincarnation? Why did –I- not seem too enthused about it? Call it intuition. 

"It is not just your appearance and psychic abilities child, but the simple fact that the Shikon no Tama was within your body is irrefutable proof. You must protect the jewel Kagome. It is your duty." Yeah, I had kinda figured that she was leading up to that. 

******************

I decided to take a little walk around the village. I also wanted to find Inuyasha. I felt kind of bad that we were on such miserable terms already so I thought I'd find her and clear the air a bit. Hopefully, she would have a good appetite 'cause I couldn't possibly finish all the offerings that the villagers had given me by myself. Aren't I a real charmer? I walked around for a while until I saw her, sitting on the branch of a tree. 'Now's as good a time as any,' I thought.

I threw a fruit up at her and she caught it with one hand. Damn, she was good. No, you don't understand, I threw it at her back. Aaanyway...

"Hey Inuyasha, come down! I'll share some of this with you."

"Huh? What's with all the food?" 

"They're offerings from the villagers. Why don't you come down so we can eat together?"

I heard a soft 'feh' but she jumped down anyway and started nibbling on some stuff. Of course, she never took her glare off of me.

"You're up to somethin'. I know it." 

"Am not."  Would this face lie to you?  "It's just... you really do hate me, don't you?" Nothing gets a girl like being blunt.

"You've noooooooo idea how much!" she snared at me. I didn't even realize that we were baring fangs at one another. Well, -she- was, at least. 

"Listen girl, I already told you, I'm not Kikyo. He's the one you hate, not me." I somehow guessed that my logic was being wasted on this one. I was right. She jumped back up to her branch and wouldn't look at me. I was starting to get insulted by all this but I wouldn't give up, dammit! 

"I'm Kagome, not Kikyo, so don't you think you could be a little nicer to me?" I'm a sensitive guy, ok?! 

"Are you stupid or somethin? Listen runt, I don't care who the hell you are. In order to get the jewel I have to be merciless!!"

"Is that so? Well, in case you should decide to get violent again, all I need to do is say 'osuwari' and- "

***KERSPLAT!!!***

"Oh! Sorry!! That was unintentional."  Darn. I'd forgotten about that. Oh well, everyone makes mistakes.

******************

After a very tiring day I went to sleep in Kaede's hut, the Shikon no Tama still in my possession, wondering how the heck I was going get back home. I had midterms coming up people, midterms!!! You think youkai are scary? Try taking my math tests. I woke up around midday the next day and decided to go for a little walk. Actually, I was planning on heading back to the well to test my theory. Theory= go back the way I came. It was so simple that it had a chance of working. So I made my way through the forest... How on earth could I have known that I was going to get kidnapped by bandits?! 

It's wrong I tell you. You just don't kidnap a guy. But I knew what they wanted, and I wasn't going down without a fight. 'Fight with what?' you may ask. Well, I was still trying to figure that part out. I hit a few punches here and there and knocked a grand total of two idiots down but they were just too many. They grabbed my arms and legs until I couldn't move an inch. This was all, of course, after they made fun of my uniform. 'Now is as good a time to give up as any,' I figured. How was I going to get out of this one? 

It got worse when the weird big zombie who was apparently the 'boss' started his rant for the jewel and slicing people in half. These guys weren't kidding around! Now the strange thing is, he was supposed to be aiming for me, but he seemed to be slicin' and dicin' everyone else. I felt kinda bad but hey, I would've felt a lot worse if I had been the one getting diced. 

Suddenly, everyone switched to panic mode and started cowering behind me. 'I'm flattered but I'm really not as tough as I look,' I thought. Before I knew it, walls were crumbling down, statues were getting decapitated and I was being chased around by this big thug of a man. Then it occurred to me, since he was after the jewel and all, the only sensible thing to do would be... and seeing as it was as good an option as any... I chugged the stupid little pink thing right outside through the hole in the wall. Did my plan work? That would be a 'no.' The big bully towered above me and raised his sword. I closed my eyes, threw a few prayers here and there and... all of a sudden...

I was saved! ...by Inuyasha... by a girl... but still, I was saved! Man, that girl's my hero. Not that I'd tell her that, of course. 

"Is the jewel safe!" I was touched by her overwhelming concern for my well-being. 

"Huh?"

"Idiot, I'm asking you if the damn jewel is safe!!!!"

Was it safe? Well... Anyway, you know how I thought there was something wrong with that oaf? No not Inuyasha, I mean the 'boss.' Well it turns out that he was already dead...and being controlled by a crow demon. 'Gee, I feel much better knowing that,' I thought. But Inuyasha just ripped that thing right out. Unfortunately, she didn't bother to kill it. 

"It got away! Aren't you going after it?"

"Whaddo I look like, a damn demon hunter? I can't go after every fucking one. There's only one of me, you know."

"But- "

"Don't 'but' me, boy! I'm doin' the fighting, so I decide! Now...about that jewel. WHA-!"

Ah yes, about the jewel indeed... Funny isn't it, how these little things can slip one's mind so easily? Inuyasha didn't think so. I made the crow demon happy, though. Tell me, why did everything insist on eating the jewel like it was the tastiest thing in the world? Maybe youkai are just 'special' that way. 

"Is that the jewel in it's beak!!! What's wrong with you, you idiot!!!" I should have chosen not to answer that. But, of course, I did.

"I never said anything about having it on me!" That sounded just as pathetic then as it does now. But in a matter of seconds I was being dragged by Inuyasha towards a bow and a quiver of arrows. 'That's a good one, she expects me to use this?' I thought. Yeah, she did. Not only that, but she was carrying me, carrying –me-, piggy-back style, as we chased the stupid bird. How embarrassing... I'd never hear the end of this if the guys at school ever found out.  

****************

"Come on boy, Kikyo was a master archer. If you're really his reincarnation, take it down in one shot!"

"I told you- I'm Kagome!" Still, I took aim. I gulped. I prayed that Kikyo would lend me some of his power. I was confident and determined. I fired and the arrow flew through the air!...missing the crow by a mile...down it sank...like a rock. Darn. 

And speaking of sinking...

***OOMPH!!***  We crashed to the ground faster than you can say 'osuwari.'  For a girl, this Inuyasha wasn't very graceful. 

"Ah... You weren't lying about Kikyo being a master archer were you?" I asked sheepishly, desperately clinging to the small ounce of dignity I thought I had left. 

"You must be a klutz! Try it again!" So we tried it again. Hmmm, I think the rule says that it's the –third- time that's supposed to be the charm. 

Inuyasha stopped and dropped me straight onto my bottom. Man, every bone in my body was sore after those first few days but I don't want to get ahead of myself. 

"You stupid weakling! I don't care what the hag says, there ain't no way in hell you're his reincarnation!" And the little witch left me there! Can you believe it? I'd really tried my best! Good thing I didn't break an arm... or anything worse.

I'll fast forward 'cause it just keeps getting better. The crow decided to capture a little kid for lunch, all the while noisy chick is, as always, being noisy and flying after it. I yell at her to save the child first but does she listen? Of course not. The crow gets...dismembered (rather violently, might I add)...and the poor kid falls into the river. Even better, the crow starts piecing –itself- back together. How many crows do –you- know that can do that? But more to the point, I immediately jumped in after the kid and brought him back to shore. Sure am glad I took those swimming classes. Meanwhile, noisy chick was still raving about the jewel. I shot her a death glare. You'd better believe that she felt it. If I were anything less than a gentleman I'd tell her to just shut up and kiss my a-

"Aaaaaaaah!" So the crow decided to leave a present behind, huh? No, not that kind of present. It was actually it's leg that was still clinging onto the kid's back. You could practically see the light bulb on top of my head as I frantically borrowed a bow and arrow. Didn't I tell you I was smart? I tied the crow's leg to the arrow with the hopes that it would help it reach the demon. I took a deep breath and...fired. I hit my target alright. Oh boy did I hit it... Yeah, well...

Fine, so you want me to spell it out for you? I broke it! I broke the stupid jewel! That's right- shattered it into a hundred some-odd pieces. Did I not tell you that I'd never used a bow before?! Hey, all Inuyasha said was to get the jewel back. She never said anything about getting it back in one piece. I plead innocent. But, as always, fate was unkind to this Higurashi for the moment the crow demon's foot plunged into its body- not to mention the jewel- the sky was lit by a bright light. A bright PINK light. Already I could tell that me and that jewel were going to have problems. 

****************  
  


A/N: Since this chapter was going to be too long, I cut it about midway, that's why I've posted two chapters today. As you can see, I'm not sticking to the original story –completely-. Feedback would be much appreciated. Please don't review asking me to update my other story because I will do it as soon as I can. Other than that, see you all in the next chapter!


	3. Cooperation Starts With Osuwari!

AN: Here- knock yourselves out. Not literally... well... whatever floats your boat:)

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"What the hell's goin' on!"

"Stop barking Inuyasha," Lady Kaede said, unsuccessfully trying to calm the girl down. I could've told her it wasn't going to work.

"What the fuck happened to the jewel?!!!!" Hmm... Inuyasha was really taking this personally, wasn't she?

"The arrow with which Kagome shot the demon not only killed it but also shattered the jewel. In other words, the jewel's fragments have been scattered everywhere. Who knows how many there are. Perhaps a hundred, perhaps a thousand."

"Keh! If that stupid bitch had watched where he was shootin' then we wouldn't be in this shit now would we?" In case you hadn't noticed, it's me she's talking about when she says 'bitch.' But I assure you, I wasn't the only bitch in the room at that moment.

"Inuyasha...if you call me bitch one more time..." She didn't seem to be too impressed with my threats. My manly pride was going downhill, with blazing speed. 

"Feh."

She'd better have thanked her lucky stars that Lady Kaede spoke up or I would have sat her until Kingdom-Come. And trust me, Kingdom wasn't anywhere close by.

"If even one shard falls into the wrong hands, the destruction will be incalculable. Kagome, Inuyasha, you two must work together to collect the shards so that the jewel may be restored," she said somberly. No, she wasn't the only one who was...disheartened, shall we say, by this problem. Inuyasha was loud and clear about being pissed. And to make matters worse, if it was possible, I was really starting to feel responsible for the mess...

"Hey hag, are ya deaf or somethin'? I'm one of those 'wrong hands' you're talkin about," Inuyasha smirked.  'It isn't too hard to see that,' is what I wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut. Besides, in that current situation, I was also one of those 'wrong hands.' That jewel hates me. 

"Aye, but it cannot be helped."

"B-but I have to go home!" Sorry people, but I have a life that won't exactly sit around and wait for me. 

"Nothin' doin! You broke the damn thing so sit your ass down before I start gettin' –really- angry."

"Inuyashaaa..." I was prepared to use my new favorite word when Lady Kaede intervened once again. Let's just say though, that Inuyasha's luck isn't going to hold out forever. 

"Kagome child, leave her be. 'Tis better to leave this storm unfared."

"Humph. Fine by me..." Moody women aren't exactly my cup of chai. 

********************

Man, I didn't care if it was the feudal times or the stone age, didn't they have –any- hot baths at all???!!!! I swam around for a while, you know, just relaxing, thinking, getting clean, nearly freezing myself to death. It was time to get dressed. I stood up and was almost completely out of the water when...

***BLINK BLINK***

"Aaaaaaaaagh osuwariiiii!!!!"  I can't help it, I'm a modest guy! What the heck was she doing, staring at me like that?!

I heard Lady Kaede say:  "So, see anything good?" after Inuyasha's wonderful plummet to the earth. 'Not that I don't feel bad doing that to her but... I may have found a new hobby,' I thought.

"Keh! As if. Shit, I forgot about the stupid subjugawhatchamacallit."

"So what were ye doing here Inuyasha if ye were not spying on Kagome?"

"Are you crazy you old nut! Does he look like he's got –anything- that would interest me?!!! I was only- "

"I know Inuyasha, ye are only here to try to steal the jewel shard." 

"Feh, if you knew then why'd ya ask, you old goat."

"Ah...the future looks bleak indeed. Inuyasha, if ye do not combine forces with Kagome, who has the ability to 'see' the shards, there is no way that all the fragments will be found." 

Baka baka baka baka baka baka baka Inuyasha!!! Hmm? Oh sorry, where was I? I must have forgotten to mention this but: meet one of the world's precious few shard detectors. How do I keep getting myself into these things?

"And I'm tellin' ya hag, if it's for the sake of the jewel then I'll put up with the idiot! So quit worrying." 

"You really hate me that much, huh?" I demanded, not really needing an answer. It figures that she would. It also figures she'd hate me more after I came out wearing that stupid outfit. Kikyo's outfit. If I had only known back then. Anyway, I went about my business as Inuyasha went back into death-glare mode and growled at us from a corner. 

It was a short while later that a woman from the village came to ask Lady Kaede for her assistance. "I will return shortly. Try not to kill one another," she said before she left. I would –try- but I wasn't going to make any promises.

"Oy." Princess Inuyasha was gracing me with her conversation.

"What?"

"Get undressed."

"Whaaaat!!!! Jeez you're even more perverted than some of my friends!!" And I'm from the future, man. 

"I didn't mean it like that ya dumbass! I meant put on your normal weird ones!"

"Why? Because these make me look like Kikyo?" Don't mess with me girl. I'm smarter than I look.

"Keh. Whatever!" 

This girl was driving me insane!!! Of course, being the diplomatic person that I am, I tried to establish common ground. In vain. 

"Look, I can't work with someone who's always picking a fight."

"Hey, that's fine by me! I prefer to go at it alone!"

"Oh, is that so? I see, you don't need me then. Fine." I wasn't about to stay where I wasn't wanted. Besides, I have tests waiting for me at home! So There! I really need to get out more, don't I...

"Oy, where ya goin?"

"I've decided that I'm going home. Goodbye Inuyasha." I started walking off. 

"Going home? Oy!!"

"My name is Kagome. Not 'oy'"

"Hey! Wait!"

"It's not 'hey,' either."

"OY! I said wait!!"

"What is it??! It's useless to try and stop me Inuyasha.

"Who gives a crap about you. Leave the shard behind." Well, that's one way of solving things. And I'd be damned if I would let her have the last laugh.

"Oh. You want this, huh?............Osuwari."

***SPLAT!!!***

"You can't have it." And that was my final word on the matter as I walked off for real this time. What a spoiled, arrogant, selfish, noisy little-  

******************

When I got to the well, I had a rather unfriendly encounter with a certain Yura of the Hair. And her skimpy outfit. Hey, I can't help but notice certain things...I'm a guy. But I swear I didn't think anything perverted! 'Why are all the pretty ones psychos?' was my only sad thought. Go figure. And she was another violent one, too. All in all, I nearly got myself sliced (AGAIN), I got my cheek cut, my jewel shard was shard-napped and I fell into the well- backwards. Yeah, big ouch. Couldn't even take my uniform. After a few moments of pain, I climbed out of the well, hoping against all hope that I was back at home. After what I'd been through, I came to realize that reality is an acquired taste.  

I'm a man, I'm not gonna cry. I'm a man, I'm not gonna cry- but boy was I glad to be home!!!! 

"KAGOME!!!!" my brother and grandfather shouted.

"Umm.......Hey bro, what's with the outfit?" Yup. I this was the right place alright. 

*********************

After being interrogated by my over-inquisitive family, I collapsed on my bed, ready to call it a day...or a year, for that matter. Was it all just a dream? Maybe. But still...

I sat at the dinner table, chowing down my favorite food- Oden!- and altogether minding my own business. Grandpa had told me that he'd made sure the well was sealed, never to be opened again. Of course, he had also used the 'sacred Higurashi scrolls. Legend has it...' I couldn't help but feel a bit sad, though. I was also a little...oh I don't know, I guess you could say worried, about Lady Kaede and Inuyasha. That Yura looked like bad news. But I was determined to enjoy my Oden! What a glorious age I live in! Speaking of which, Inuyasha would just have to do without me. Besides, she would go berserk if she found out that my shard was stolen and I absolutely refused to deal with her on an empty stomach. Anyway, I started scarfing down my food when all of a sudden, someone barged in through the door. It was a rather noisy, rather pissed off someone.

"I-Inu...yasha?" Long time no see. 

"Who the hell said you could go home?!!"

"B-but, how- where'd you come from?"

"Through the well of course!"

"The well? But it's- "

"Do not lie! Those sutras have been handed down the Higurashi family for generations and cannot fail!" Grandpa needed to cool it. I had several hundred questions of my own. 

"What, you mean this crappy piece of paper? Sorry ta disappoint ya old man. Now get up you, we're goin' back!"

"Wait! I don't want to go!" Please, do you think she would actually listen to me? I'd have better luck communicating with Buyo. Using sign language. 

"Just a minute young lady!" That's my momma alright! Lay down the law mommy and make this mean girl let go of me!

"What?!" If Inuyasha so much as –touched- my mother I would 'sit' her until-  wait. What????

No, I groaned, my mother was –not- rubbing Inuyasha's ears. Oh yes she was. And please don't tell me that Souta was standing next to her yelling 'me next, me next!' Yes, as a matter of fact, he was. Where's the aspirin?

"Cool!! Are you for real?? Are –those- real?? Can I see?? Can I touch 'em?? Are you human? Are you really strong? Are those nails really sharp? Can I trade my brother in and have you as my older sister?" bombarded Souta...that little punk of a brother.

"My my, what a lovely young lady you are! And such beautiful hair, too! Would you look at those ears- they're adorable!!! Now Kagome, I will be wanting grandchildren of –both- genders... Oh how I've always wanted a little girl! And they had all better have those adorable little ears! Now when did you say you wanted the wedding? June is lovely-"

"MOOOOOM!!!" Hasn't anyone ever heard of embarrassment around here? Well apparently Inuyasha and I were the only ones. Shifting around uncomfortably, I suddenly noticed a strand of hair on Inuyasha's shoulder. Apparently, I was the only one who could see it. Then the hair just started...moving...on it's own. 'Wait a minute,' I thought, 'hair? Oh please tell me this isn't happening.' It was time for us to take our leave. I had a really bad feeling, aside from the one that told me noisy chick was about to be adopted by my crazy family.

I yelled goodbye and made a speedy exit, dragging the hanyou along with me. Once outside, Inuyasha seemed a little amused. How could I tell? Well, the smirk was a dead giveaway. 

"Sorry but you better break it to your old woman that I ain't exactly mate material," she said.

"You're telling me..."

"What was that, bitch ?!!!"  She screamed at me. What did I say? Sheesh, you agree with women, they get mad. You disagree with them, they get mad. I give up!

"Inuyasha... I told you not to call me that. I'm not going to warn you again."

"Try it and I'll use ya as a scratching post...bitch."

"Inuyashaaa..." She knew that tone. Finally, I was beginning to make myself clear! I could have cried just then. 

"H-hey, I was just kidding man!"   That may have been true... But just for good measure, I said it anyway:)

"Osuwari!"

***SPLAT!!!***  "Oomph!! Why you sorry sonova- " etc, etc, etc. 'What a foul-mouthed brat,' I thought as I steadily walked towards the shrine. I pitied the man who'd ever be –stupid- enough to fall in love with her. 

You can all start pitying me...

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A/N: Inuyasha is such a potty-mouth:) Next chapter will introduce......dum dum dum... everybody's favorite bad-ass older brother:)


	4. Sorry! it's an AN

A/N: Hey all! Well Psychotic Seraph really did get me into thinking about making Sesshoumaru female. It is a very good idea...and I'm seriously considering it. I'd like some more feedback on that!!! Please review to tell me what you think about it and also what you think of the storyline in general.

Thanx, 

DiLLiRgA ^.^


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